Regulus Watches
by AuburnGraces28
Summary: Maybe Sirius was the reason Regulus took that final step. Maybe it was difficult being second born.


It is late on a Friday night and the library is almost deserted. No-one would notice the slight, dark haired teenage boy hidden in the corner. He is absorbed in his work, a stack of books balanced beside him and a completed essay stretched before him. He has neglected to light the torches around him and is now squinting to see in the remaining light.

It is a blond girl with a sweet smile who brings a lamp to the boy's table.

"You're spoiling your eyes Reg."

Regulus Black looks up, he blushes and shrugs. She is Tamsin Hartley, a Ravenclaw in his year. Regulus thinks she is one of the most beautiful girls he has ever known.

He wonders why she came over, for he never makes attempts to talk to her. He watches her a lot, and has done for almost the past year. He sits behind her in Transfiguration class and watches the yellow strands of her hair dancing in the light. She wears it loose and streaming down her back, when she leans over her work it will drape over her shoulder and pool onto the desk. He thinks about talking to her, creating long conversations in his head where he invites her out and she is thrilled to accept. He even went as far as imagining a conversation with his mother, where she agrees to let him marry a half-blood, because Tamsin Hartley is so beautiful the Black family will accept her.

He wants to ask her to stay and sit down, but the words stick in his throat before he can say them.

"Why are you here so late? We didn't get too much homework this week."

"It's Quidditch tomorrow. I just wanted to…"

He shrugs again and then feels stupid. She has actually begun a conversation with him and he can't even give proper answers.

"Of course, Gryffindor and Hufflepuff! Who are you supporting?"

"I'm not really. I just like to watch because it's good to pick up other teams techniques; it'll be helpful when we play them."

She nods and smiles, but he doubts she understands. She doesn't play and he's glad because she wouldn't look right in the air. He likes how she looks in the dim light of a library, the golden strands of her hair falling over the pages of a book.

"I don't know who I'll be cheering for yet. I think the first match of the season is always the most exciting, I don't really care who wins."

He nods in agreement. The conversation is moving better now, she is smiling at him in a way that makes his insides tingle. He throat is dry as he talks. "I suppose I should support Hufflepuff, as Gryffindor are more likely to match us when we play them."

She laughs. "That's so typical for a Quidditch player to think like that. Gryffindor are very good, particularly with James Potter leading them. He's amazing, don't you think?"

He shrugs, turning back to stare at the books in front of him. He doesn't like the direction they're going, and knows she will soon want to talk about his brother. It doesn't matter how beautiful she looks in the low light, he would rather her leave now than continue onto that topic.

She seems to sense his change in attitude, as she tilts her head and stares at him. "He's friends with your brother right? I suppose you don't get along."

Regulus isn't replying. She seems to have the sense to leave the questions there and let him return to him books. He watches her as she walks away, her hair dancing down her back.

Part of him is annoyed for letting her leave, but something inside him burned hot and angry when she mentioned his brother. When he knew she was going to praise him. Every girl in this ridiculous school spoke like that.

Anyway, he prefers to read in peace. The essay spread across the desk is finished; he is still there for other reasons.

Of course, he still cares about his work. Achieving high marks is something required by him by his family and his community status. Although, he has to try much harder than Sirius, who managed to sail through his exams with almost no work at all. Regulus still did better, but Regulus had to work day and night to do so. It makes him angry that Sirius is able to behave like this and he is determined to work harder to differentiate from him. Particularly now he is the only son his parents have left.

The book in front of him is not from the Hogwarts library. He considered asking for permission for the restricted section, he wants to expand his knowledge as much as possible. Slughorn no longer gives permission notes freely and his cousin has informed him that Dumbledore removed almost every book 'worth reading' anyway.

This book is from his father's library at Grimmauld Place. Some of the magic is so dark that he has skipped sections, trying very hard not to look at the illustrations of the curses. He is mainly interested in the theory; he wants to show he is powerful more than he wants to cause pain. He wants to prove himself. When he is allowed to attend a meeting, there will be no question about any weaknesses; he will be equal to all of them.

The library is his favourite place to read; even when the books aren't something he doesn't want to share. Dormitories gives very little privacy and he's found himself moving away from his roommates as the year progresses. Most of the boys are thuggish and boastful, proof that the pureblood world is diminishing in intelligence the more they mix. At least, that's what he has been told, that's part of why the war is happening. He almost begins to believe his mother when she claims he is the perfect example of a well-bred pureblood boy.

He also believed her when she called Sirius that.

He had reached the pages on the Cruciatus curse, the images are terrible, but no drawing can depict what it really feels like. He's seen it done. He didn't want to. Bella showed him, kept a grip on the back of his head so he couldn't look away. It was only a muggle, but Regulus can still remember the look on his face. It is as if it's been burnt into his brain and reappears whenever he attempts the curse himself.

He doesn't feel like reading anymore. In fact, he feels slightly sick, bile rises in his throat and he swallows. Bella would kill him if she knew how weak he was. He's getting better at pretending he's strong, not through arrogance, but with a more silent strength that the others trust.

It's late and he does want to be alert for the Quidditch match tomorrow. He puts away his library books, places his own in his bag and extinguishes his lamp. He feels himself searching out Tamsin as he walks back through the library, but she has left. He'll try to talk to her tomorrow.

The dark haired boy is the first to awake in his dormitory, despite being the last one to arrive back there the previous night. The other Slytherin sixth years spent their Friday night in the common room, and then collapsed into their beds near midnight after argued and placing bets over the outcome of the match the next day. Regulus was quite happy to sneak in after they had all started snoring. He had gone to the Owlery after leaving the library to send a letter to Bella. She often got angry at his constant correspondence, telling him she couldn't put any real information into writing anyway. This annoyed him, it was all very well for her in the Dark Lord's inner circle, but he was trapped in a protective bubble. No-one told the students what was really happening in the outside world.

The light streaming through the gap in his curtains told Regulus it was just past dawn. He dressed quickly, pulling on several layers for warmth before fastening his cloak over his shoulders. He didn't adorn himself with the scarves and banners of the team he would be supporting, he even thought twice about putting on his Slytherin scarf. The petty rivalry between houses seemed so insignificant in the scale of the war, even though the Dark Lord himself and his followers took such pride in the Slytherin house. Regulus beliefs were much deeper than that, he believed in the development of a stronger wizarding race. A race built on history and blood; bringing school competition into it felt like an embarrassment. Perhaps that was why he didn't feel such hatred for the other houses and why he didn't hate Tamsin, despite her blood. Although he was always careful to hide these views from Bella and the others, he wanted to be accepted.

Regulus didn't bother to check if the other boys were waking or wanted to join him for breakfast. He was along the stone passage and into the common room quickly, glancing briefly at the abandoned gobstones and scattered possessions that a less honest student would have examined for their own gain.

The great hall was already half full for breakfast, the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tables already waving banners and thumping their hands on the tables. He kept his head down, it wasn't like any of the teams were going to pick him to shout at when he wasn't playing, but it was best to be unnoticed. He didn't see the girl at the head of the Ravenclaw table, who he walked straight into. Tamsin Hartley gave a yelp of surprise and held out a hand to catch his shoulder. Regulus stumbled back from her and felt his face flooding crimson. He opened his mouth to apologise when he saw who she was talking to. The tall, handsome boy was leaning on the table, his arm stretching out behind Tamsin's back. His dark hair fell into his eyes with the sort of casual elegance that Regulus never managed and he had one eyebrow raised in sarcastic amusement.

"Never knew my little brother was so light on his feet. I think you should apologise to the lady, Reggie."

Sirius Black grinned at him. Regulus felt the colour in his face deepen.

"Her name is Tamsin"

"He knows my name" Tamsin giggled "right Sirius?" There was a vague longing for approval in her expression.

Regulus was trying his best not to look at her, afraid he would give away his feelings. Sirius seemed to read his mind and slide his hand along the table, so strands of Tamsin's hair were falling across his arm.

"You supporting Gryffindor today, little brother?"

"Don't call me that"

"Why not?" Sirius grinned and leaned closer to Tamsin, adding in a false whisper. "He's always had issues about being second born. I'm a difficult person to live up to."

Tamsin giggled again, Regulus felt it didn't sound natural on her. She wasn't the sort of girl who giggled. He knew that Sirius was baiting him, mentioning the family so Regulus would get angry in front of a girl. So he would admit how much he hated his brother. He wouldn't rise to it.

Sirius let the tension hold for a few moments, before he turned back to Tamsin.

"See you in the stands then? I'll be down near the front."

Regulus was glad to see that she didn't watch Sirius stride off; she placed a hand on his shoulder and met his gaze instead.

"You okay, Reg?"

"Fine" he managed a smile. "He just pisses me off sometimes."

She laughed, this time it was clear and natural. It was for him.

"I don't think you're the only one. Half the boys in my house don't like him, I think they're intimidated." He was glad to see that her lust for approval from Sirius seemed to have gone, perhaps he had imagined it.

"At least they don't have to live with him."

"But you don't anymore…" she faltered and looked down to avoid his gaze. "Sorry, my mum told me about the stuff with your family. I won't pretend to understand the circumstances."

He didn't hate her for bringing it up; he couldn't hate her for anything. She clearly felt she had said the wrong thing and turned back towards the table.

"I better go join my friends."

He watched her walk away again, golden hair streaming out behind her. He felt more than tingly when he looked at her, he felt breathless. Maybe her blood status meant nothing. She could believe in the same ideals as him, she was clever and beautiful and everything his world needed.

Sirius caught his arm as he left the great hall. He was standing, half hidden, by the doorway and pulled him into an alcove near a statue.

"Is this just how it's always going to be from now on? You pretend I don't exist." He was staring him full in the face, his arm braced against the stone wall so Regulus couldn't escape.

"I know you exist. You're just not part of my family anymore."

Sirius banged his fist against the wall. "Listen to me Reg! You don't need to follow all their bullshit traditions, you're better than that."

"I believe in our traditions and so should you" Regulus spat back. He was trying to keep calm; he didn't want to fight Sirius as he knew who would win.

Sirius stared at him. Understanding seemed to dawn on him and he took a step back against the wall.

"You've joined them, haven't you? Become Bellatrix's little puppet, some puppy following her sick views"

Regulus didn't care what Sirius thought, his parents had drilled that into him. But he felt himself shrink under the accusation, from the brother who used to be his best friend, who he looked up to.

"You do realise the things she's done, the people she's killed!"

The Cruciatus muggle's face swarm into Regulus's memory, the bile rose in his throat and he had to look away from Sirius. He found his voice.

"I am doing what is expected by my birthright, I am fighting in the war that will shape our future."

Sirius grabbed him by the arm, shoving him back against the wall.

"Don't you dare pretend that you're some kind of soldier, fighting for the greater good! You're nothing but a coward and you know that, maybe deep down, but you know it."

He felt rage overcome him and he sprung back, wrenching his arms away and attempting to beat them down on Sirius's face. His brother was faster and grabbed his wrists.

"I'm not a coward!" Regulus attempted to shout, but found his voice catching in his throat and breaking. He sound like a child, nothing like the powerful man the Dark Lord wanted. Sirius was staring at him with a mixed look of pity and disgust. He released his brother's wrists and fell back against the wall, falling into the casually confident pose he usually maintained.

"That girl, she a friend of yours?"

Regulus didn't need to ask who he was talking about.

"Yes"

"Really? She's not pure blood, probably not the sort of company your new pals approve of."

He couldn't reply, he glared at his brother. So casually handsome, looking as relaxed and composed as if they hadn't just fought.

"You stay away from her."

"Or what? You'll get Bellatrix and her mates to do me in."

Regulus was clenching his fists, he knew better than to try to start another fight. Sirius knew he wouldn't, he was smiling again. That arrogant grin that everyone in the school seemed to fall for.

"I think Tamsin will find me much better and considerably safer company." He held Regulus's gaze, daring him to fight back with his fists, or to simple deny what was being said. He couldn't, he broke the look and dropped his head. His brother turned and strode back across the entrance hall and Regulus was left, looking at his feet, the very picture of a coward.


End file.
